LOBSTERS AND BUNNIES

I am a relative/friend of a patient accessing my email and using the internet for entertainment.

I have been at this hospital too long. I am becoming one with it. The hospital has a hum. I called it “the hotel” when I talked to my sister. “You just said “Hotel”’, she said. I didn’t respond. As far as I know only a hotel has room service and that hum.

This morning I put drops in my Dad’s eyes. His eyebrows curved down and out so far they almost grazed the surface of his eye. “Better trim those eyebrows” I advised. “I piss out of those” he said. I didn’t respond. As far as I know my Dad has always been this way. Or maybe it’s the Alzheimers. After a moment of silence he added “that’s how lobsters urinate you know, through their eyebrows”. “I’m never eating a lobster again Pop”.

Back at “the hotel” I went downstairs and picked up the times and a coffee. I bought my mom a pink bunny. “Why did you waste your money” she said. “I didn’t buy it, it just hopped over Ma”. “I hate liars” she said. “I can’t help it if he hopped on over” I said with a straight face. She frowned. I frowned. Then she laughed and said “no seriously, where—did—you—get—that, at the gift shop?” “I got it at Starbucks” I told her. “I don’t believe you” she said. I didn’t respond. I did, however, take the bunny over so that it could give her a kiss on the forehead”. She frowned and then giggled, “You’re crazy to waste your money”.

DO NOT DISTURB

The room was clean. Two twin beds with matching bed spreads, two end tables, one with a reading lamp, the other, an old clock radio with red glowing numbers. Nothing else but a lonely octagonal mirror, the silvering fading at the edges, adorns the walls.

Compelled by some primitive instinct, I walked in and slowly paced the perimeter of the room, sensing for safety and boundaries. As I walked around I looked down at the night stand and there, by the clock, was a small gold tone sign which read “Do Not Disturb; I’m disturbed enough already.”

On that note, I climbed under the covers, switched off the reading lamp and for a moment thoughts of sitting in my airplane seat flickered through my mind.